Smridhi Vyas
I remember leaving my house in Bangalore and moving to Delhi within a month, back in 2009. In a month, all the bags got packed and my room was in 7 cartons and I was staring at the sea animals that Maasi had painted on my wall. I didn’t want to leave. Everything was happening so fast. It felt like I had been woken up from a beautiful dream, and the blankets had been thrown off of me. I remember thinking Delhi is going to be cold. I hated changing schools and leaving my friends. I wouldn’t be able to go cycle with my friends. Or go play at the swings. I wouldn’t be able to meet dada or my dogs- Kobe and Kylie. Spending the days in blossoms bookhouse while mom gave her presentations in the office and then lunch at Kanti sweets. I grew up there, and it felt like things would never change.
Since then, I have never felt like I have been “home.” Growing up with a community of people who nurtured me the way I needed and helped me grow felt like a safety blanket. I grew up, and I’m sure everyone else did as well. I went through a lot in life and hated it in Delhi. I got bullied a lot but somehow always felt that everything would be okay if I went back to Bangalore, my hometown. It would go back to how it was. Commercial Street, blossoms book house, and The Bangalore club. Tumba chana idiya! (It’s very nice)
I never understood how inanimate objects made people feel safe, how they hugged soft toys and slept. The whole concept felt very alien to me. Even when I was in Delhi, something felt missing, but it felt weird to hug toys. But it was when I moved back to Bangalore for college that I understood how it felt. I got used to depending on myself all this while. It’s when I believe I became my own home. During the two years in college, the blanket that my mom gave was the only thing that made me feel safe.
Bangalore will always feel like home, but something had changed this time around. It had a coldness to it. My blanket kept me warm. I couldn’t sleep without hugging it tightly, and my hometown felt different. Is it supposed to be like that?
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